Brock Rizy … Editor-in-Chief / Writer / Artist / Animator / Director. Brock established BEEow dot com because he knew that no publisher in their right mind would ever in a million years have the balls of solid brass, metaphorically speaking, to publish, against the will of god and nature, a comic book bearing the title of Pyrotechnic Porno Babies. He is ashamed to know that horrible people might visit his site having typed the words “porno” and “baby” into their search engines, but glad that instead they will find oodles of adolescent humor and the occasional carefully drawn comic strip. He cannot ensure that visiting his site won’t result in your placement on an FBI watch list. Brock is not traditionally handsome, but handsome in a slightly creepy “I wonder if he’s actually a vampire” kind of way. Not a lame vampire, which is difficult to imagine, since there hasn’t been a cool one since Bela Lugosi. Maybe Gary Oldman. The only reason Brock even gave True Blood a chance was because of how good Anna Paquin looks as a blonde (or brunette). In his spare time, Brock compulsively repeats lines from Futurama like he’s Howard Hughes going on about the way of the future. He also jots down dirty, cynical jokes in his pocket-sized unlined notebook.
David Hopkins … Writer – Emily Edison Stomps Sassy Pants. David has the unfortunate and totally untrue reputation of being one of the nicest guys in comic books. Any of the talented artists who have drawn a book for him know that, in fact, he is a dictatorial terror to work for. He owns his own cat-of-nine-tails and puts it to bad use on a semi-regular basis. David is a talented archer, having served as a special pre-gun operative in the time travel army. His visual acuity, however, is based on movement like the T-rex in Jurassic Park (which is totally unlike the actual T-Rex, but I believe it was an indicator to Alan Grant that the dinosaur’s DNA had been spliced with a frog’s). If he ever whips out his bow and arrows, just keep still until he loses interest. David currently resides on a massive asteroid orbiting earth where he owns and operates his own hot dog cart. In his spare time, he writes entertaining comic books like Karma Incorporated and Astronaut Dad.
Jake M. Rizy … Writer – Minor Investigations. Former professional skateboarder Jason Rizy suffered a terrible fall during the Commodore 64 California Games Tournament, shattering the last three fifths of his given name. Alphabetic surgeons operated for fourteen hours before they were forced to circumcise his forename and salvage the first two letters. They opted to reconstruct the remaining tissue into a “k” and “e” and so “Jake” was “born.” Unable to continue competing in professional sports, or…is skateboarding a sport? I don’t know. “Jake” took a job at a toy manufacturer, and was promptly fired for stealing action figurines based on the imaginary comic book Carpenter Aunt, about a woman who is able to lift twenty times her body weight, chew through wood (heh), and totally be there for her nieces and nephews. After the alien colonization of 2089, Jake started a third career teaching the more unruly extraterrestrial offspring for the public school system. He is the inspiration for a character in not one but three unpublished works in progress by his brother, Brock. In his spare time, he works on a novel starring the main character of Minor Investigations and helps raise an adorable and hilarious little girl.
Kevin C. Neece … Voice Actor – Lip Synch Exercise, Swamp Chicken. Writer – Rescue Raptors (parody version). Kevin is one of the two incomparably talented video artists who made the paradoxically named Movie Of The Century, which featured the incredible acting talents of our editor-in-chief and a piece of French bread on a turntable. I think Neil Diamond was there, or Don Ho, maybe. And the corn. In spite of the promise shown in his first video short about a stop-motion self-peeling banana, and the supreme creative success of Movie Of, Kevin left it all behind to cos-play as Vincent from the 1987 television show, Beauty and The Beast, at the too-numerous-to-count Linda Hamilton fan conventions held around the world each year. To supplement his income, he wrote fan fiction about Data from Star Trek The Next Generation and sold it to hobo sci-fi fans who didn’t have access to televisions. After 9/11, Kevin stopped wearing shoes. Actually, it was a while after 9/11, and it was totally unrelated. It was like, nine years later. Kevin is currently preparing for his triumphant return to video. Since The Movie Of The Century was technically made last century, he figures he’ll have to make one for the next 100 years. Will the bread on the turntable reprise its role? Time will tell. In his spare time, Kevin writes and lectures on Jesus films and Star Trek, and co-rears a baby boy.