Click the image to view at size on deviantART. Click the link to read more about Swamp Chicken on BEEow.

Swamp Chicken™ and © Brock Rizy 2012

Click the image to view at size on deviantART. Click the link to read more about Swamp Chicken on BEEow.

Swamp Chicken™ and © Brock Rizy 2011

Swamp Chicken © Brock Rizy 2011

MERLE
This is the swamp, chicken, so you
better get use’ ta stench scroogin’
around in yer nostrils. They’ll
always be somethin’ malodorous
waftin’ by.

Swamp Chicken © Brock Rizy 2011

“Swamp Chicken voice actors nailed it during an intensive recording session. I nailed them during an intensive casting couch session.” -23 Dec. twitter update

Nailing it.

Wednesday, December 22nd. After a full eight hours, a proper morning dump, and a banana with pumpkin bread, I was ready to rehearse and record the character voices for Swamp Chicken. I dressed in a black hooded sweatshirt, because it’s slimming on my holiday tummy, and because I wanted to present the vague appearance of Death from The Seventh Seal…or Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. Also, Emperor Palpatine. It’s important that the actors I direct have as much fear of me as they do unconditional respect and admiration and sexual attraction. Mission accomplished.

We met at my dad’s house in Texas. 3 out of 5 of us live in that state and the other 2 were in town for that holiday between Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Kelsey kame to the door first, Kelsey Adams, the voice of Suzy the Marsh Rabbit. She was very kind to my dad’s chocolate lab, Chloe (not real chocolate), who she was already acquainted with by way of facebook photo albums. Before Kevin arrived, she told me half a story about some Norse ponytail in acid wash jeans and a matching denim jacket that he wore half buttoned with no shirt underneath. She’d encountered him at a Yoga center. He was trying to find and thank his Yoga instructor from years ago, but in all likelihood said instructor did not actually exist.

SUZY THE MARSH RABBIT: And it’s because they’re big as a horse. And not in the good way.

Then, Kevin Neece (voice of Merle the Alligator Snapping Turtle) arrived, shoeless as usual, with twelve shits worth of coffee. An entire pot in an enormous gas-station plastic travel thermos, which he would nearly drink in its entirety before the session’s end. One cup plus a splash that spilled on the center console during the van ride to the studio was all that failed to sail through his kidneys. He was all tuned up on caffeine. I could hear his heartbeat pounding during the quieter takes. Kelsey finished the story about the Norseman, who was enthusiastic about Yoga instructors. Kelsey was enthusiastic about this Norseman. I feel it is important to note right here that Kevin hates dogs.

Kevin between takes.

Nick Painter (Swamp Chicken) was riding with Ryon Elliott (Mort the Mud Salamander), who ran into some traffic. They were polite enough to notify me by telephone that they would be twenty minutes late. Then they arrived, and we had a light read at the kitchen table. Actually, they arrived, Ryon ate a burrito, and we had that light read. I took them outdoors for another light read, which seemed like a good idea the day before, when it was eighty degrees and somewhat swamp like. That day, the temperature had dropped into the sixties, so instead of setting a scene, it just made everyone feel a little chilly. The entire cast was weaned and reared in Texas, so they’re total pussies about the cold. I mean, “cold.”

Ryon gets plenty of practice speaking into microphones while working the drive-thru at Taco Bueno.

Then, Nick told some lawn crew with leaf-blowers to shut the fuck up. They did not.

SWAMP CHICKEN: And nine times out of ten, I’d bet your stink pouch farted it out.

Robovan drove us to the studio in Fort Worth, where we packed 2 days worth of recording and retaking into 3 hours and 3 minutes. We were not charged for the extra 3 minutes. My only regret is that we could not slow down and enjoy the experience. That shit was non-stop. The actors adeptly handled the tight time constraint, by maintaining a professional demeanor, responding well to direction, offering surprising readings when asked to repeat scenes with no additional instruction, and generally making the writing funnier than it is on the page. Most pleasant to see for me, were the spontaneous responses to one another’s performances. This is why voice actors should never record in solitary confinement.

I was demonstrating how I will animate Swamp Chicken's pole dance.

Then we all gave a simultaneous group high-five, like it was the end of the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Except we were like, “Hey, dudes, this is a cartoon!” After that we ate some tacos and that Norseman took a Yoga class (it is safe to assume). Here are some more photos.

Kevin portrays a member of Team Turtle.

Ryon portrays the other speaking member of Team Turtle.

Kelsey and Kevin portray the Raccoon babies.

Nick as Swamp Chicken is like Marlon Brando as Stanley Kowalski. A real cock on the page, but charming when performed.

Now some photos that make us look respectable.

Kelsey Adams

Ryon Elliott

Kevin Neece

Nick Painter

Nick Painter……………………………………………………………………………………Swamp Chicken

Ryon Elliott……………………………………………………..Mort the Mud Salamander/Team Turtle B

Kevin Neece…Merle the Alligator Snapping Turtle/Raccoon Baby 002/Team Turtle A/Fish/Fox

Kelsey Adams………………………………………………..Suzy the Marsh Rabbit/Raccoon Baby 001

Me. The Grim Reaper. Brock Rizy

Photos by Sarah Rizy.

Swamp Chicken © Brock Rizy 2010

Keep an eye out for “Swamp Chicken and the Nadir of the North Koreans,” “Pyrotechnic Porno Babies Put Afghanistan On Its Ass,” and “Emily Edison Racists the Ethnic Stereotypes.” Coming soon!

I know. You say, “But BEEow dot com,” using the full name so formally, “America isn’t at war with North Korea!” To you I say, stop shouting. After we figure out we can’t win in Afghanistan and withdraw, we’re going to need somebody to shoot at. Voters will be so sick of hearing about war in the Middle East, that we’ll leave Iran on the back-burner and deploy to the Pacific. Enjoy this preview of rough storyboards from the Swamp Chicken short. One continuous shot:

While on his way to arm himself, Swamp Chicken encounters animals who don’t look like him and offers derogatory remarks related directly to their species. Though it may appear to be a friendly, interspecific wave in the third row, it is actually a rude gesture. Swamp Chicken can be such a sass-hole, but it’s totally justified during wartime. This lone animator’s process is still experimental, so god only knows when we’ll see the first short. More to come!