I was born riding a horse. Sadly, that’s the last thing I had to do with horses, if you don’t include performing that scene from Equus in Mr. Cure’s Theatre 2 class, and having seen movies that feature Sarah Jessica Parker. I still think about them all the time. All the time. When I grew above 5 feet and 3 inches tall, I knew my aspiration to reunite with the hosts of horsedom as a steeplechase jockey was beyond my proverbial reach (obviously, I could literally reach farther than any of those little guys), so I turned to cartooning. The only remaining evidence of my primary desire is the occasional longing look at the print of Toulouse-Lautrec’s The Jockey (1899) that hangs on the wall above my toilet. Or, above the discarded KFC bucket I used while living out of that storage unit back in spring of 2004. Toulouse-Lautrec could have been a mighty Jockey. A Jockey for the ages. Instead he painted gross French women. Which is what I too decided to do, but instead of paint: pencils and vector graphics. Instead of gross French women: atypically attractive freckled women and cigar-smoking chickens.

Key facts: Right-handed. Green-eyed. Classically trained smartass. Former purple belt in Okinawan karate. Dental cavity count, zero. Favorite animal, Ewok. Could, at one time, beat Super Mario 64 one-handed. Occasional short film director. Writer. Animals and children adore me. Ruptured spleen, splenectomy/appendectomy. Obsession, Elephant Man. Myers-Briggs, INFP.

Known for redefining the word, chimichanga:

chim i chan ga: an instance of semi-psychic synchronicity as a result of, arising from or directly related to an intimate interpersonal relationship. (especially friendship)

And inventing the term, Compupoo, which simply refers to fecal matter with computing capabilites. For example, Dell.

Names chosen for Link while playing the Legend of Zelda: Crank. Cateater. Rancor. Abeja. Whor(s)e.

Spare time spent: Chasing UFOs and the Smoky Mountain Skunkape. Courting Rosie the blue cat in Animal Crossing City Folk. Vengeful playwriting. Aging.

Aliases include (but aren’t limited to): The Pennsylvania Leg-hound. Clancy Florabama. Crockett. DJ Huxtable. George Johnson aka KingPistol Duke. Monsignor Peanut Butter Pie. Super Protein Chocolate. Uncle Brock. Bicycle. Baby Batter. Rizzly Bear. Rizy-tikki-tavi. Brockolatate ©. broccoli (duh). BEEow.