If I hadn’t been baptized (twice – once Catholic, once Baptist), this strip would surely reserve for me a room in hotel hell. Luckily, once saved always saved.

My desk arrived. Look! It’s “Tardina” Brand! Tardina! That’s what you can name your primordial dwarf!

© Brock Rizy 2010

I’m a bad person.

That’s a primordial dwarf? Now that I’m looking at this, I’m going to have one. Well, I don’t think you can keep them as pets. I meant, my child will be.

© Brock Rizy 2010

I’d wrestle a marlin or chase some broad who is a total tease (lord knows I have), but I’ll never eat a cheeseburger off the floor. The only thing I’d eat off the floor is a milk chocolate Toblerone.

REASON TO DRINK: Ernest Hemingway REASON TO REFRAIN: David Hasselhoff

© Brock Rizy 2010

Were you expecting Winnie the Pooh? Sure, he’s charming, but he doesn’t return your calls.

REASON TO DRINK: It makes me twice as charming as that bear on Paddington Bear. REASON TO REFRAIN: Cops aren’t amused by my antics.

© Brock Rizy 2010

More and more evidence suggests.

REASON TO DRINK: To find National Lampoon movies funny. REASON TO REFRAIN: Increased risk of ass cancer.

© Brock Rizy 2010